Posted in dating

SAFEST BET-episode 1


EPISODE I

Hi fans. First,allow me apologise. Been away for what you will call years but its been a week or so. Once again sorry. I know you just missed my piece. Am here for you forever. Welcome to The Bizchair Square,where you call home.

Guess you realize most of my posts and articles are factual and more informative. Am not in any business of fiction…I do no movies…I don’t know a thing about the latest movie neither any series in the streets. Storytelling session can be done best by the 20th century folks. Am here to let you know and get informed of what I refer to..#basics of life. You ready? Let’s go!

For the last one week or so, I have been down with wedding fever. Guess that’s why I couldn’t show up. I keep googling funniest and finest wedding dances of all time and watching all wedding shows on my black and white vitro flat screen just to have my dream wedding…the wedding that would never be. I also been looking through my friends’ wedding photos like am some weird ring thirsty basic. If my future wife is reading this ,just know I gotchu! I have already planned in my mind. Now we just have to meet. Soon.

A few days of wedding fever I realised,a wedding=marriage=being with someone forever. Just a simple equation. Mathsphobics forgive my ass. Fever cured. I have been with myself for 20 years and still I havent got used to it. Gah! Forgive me if the idea of promising the government and god to and tolerate another person for the rest of your life sounds like a life sentence with hard labor. But there is a way to make it worth while. Choosing the right person. As usual, I am here to tell you how to live your life ,how to date,now who to marry yet I know little. Haha . This is a combination of research and years experience on which tribes have proven to produce the best life partners. Here we go!

Why wed Kinuthia??

I don’t mean to offend anyone but let’s be real for a second. These men can hustle their asses off. How is that we all dont have a swahili word for githeri? We are smitten by kikuprenuership. Kikuyu men are so hardworking and development oriented. Where we see unbearable heat,they see market for ice cream. Where we see terrorism,they see DVD sales. If you want a financially comfortable life, your safest bet is heading to central kenya.

Nevertheless ,there minds are set on accumulating wealth. Quantity over quality. Ever seen a man in a prebreaking down Toyota and a coat with patches totally messed up, then you hear about how much land he owns and just feel stupid? Its the Kinuthia spirit. You can be sure that you will live in a nice comfortable house and your children’s fees will be paid on time. Plus ,kikuyu men generally produce good looking children. No offence. They will push your kids to be over achievers not only in class but in everything they do..including discipline. Another thing I admire about kikuyu men is how they teach their children to know their language even if they lived abroad or gone to international schools. Kikuyu men are very good listeners. They adapt to your relationship dynamics easily and your standards because that gift does not come so naturally to them.

Cons: Most of them drink. Its hard to find a kikuyu manwho does not enjoy his bottle on a random week day before he gets home. If you don’t mind kissing Jameson on a tuesday,by all means. Also, Kinuthia is extremely romantically challenged. His idea of a romantic surpriseis paying the rent two days before it’s due. So just know that when you get married, you should forget flowers and get used to receipts.

WATCH OUT FOR MORE EPISODES, SEASON 1……STILL TO COME….why wed OTIENO

Until next time…xoxo..Joseh the blogger.

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Author:

STUDENT, BACHELOR OF SCIENCE{ NURSING}, THE UNIVESITY OF NAIROBI

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